Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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