I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
