I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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