I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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