Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
