Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
