Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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