I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
