Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
