I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
