last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
