Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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