Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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