No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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