people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
