pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
