I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
