i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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