so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
