i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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