they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
