I accidentally burped into my bong.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
