If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
