can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
There are leaves in my underwear?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
