Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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