ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
