You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
