I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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