I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
