lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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