So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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