I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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