This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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