Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We're too hungover to prance.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
