i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i dont even know how to be here
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
