Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
