ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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