I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
