Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
