I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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