U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
