oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
