please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
