I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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