all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
