Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
