I just threw up on my dentist
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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