I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
