I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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