just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
