Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
