im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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