He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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