Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
