Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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