Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All the doctor said was why
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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