Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
