I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
