Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
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I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
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lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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