I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
