So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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