I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
