These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
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Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
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