Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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