I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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