Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
