I didn't shave. On purpose
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We don't watch enough power rangers
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
