i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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