...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
