saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
