then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
