Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
