and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She swung at the pinata with crutches
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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