You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
