I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
