Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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