just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
